To be honest, 

I find it hard to let people ‘be there’ for me 

So hard. It’s almost like, why do you wanna do this for me, what am i to you?

But when the tables are turned, i’ll never stop running for them 

i’ll do whatever it takes to keep them happy 

but if someone turned around and did that for me

i think i’d shut them out 

It actually sucks how I’m being living my entire life without a male figure who’s in love with me. 

I really want that love 

I just get so lonely sometimes 

and i have way too much pride to tell anyone 

I really liked that boy, i wish i could explain how much i want that boy 

I can’t even talk about it or each and every one of my friends will give me a back hand.. lol awks.

But anyway, meh meh meh meh 

Hopefully that day will come soon- just being around a boy that i love (as cheesy as it sounds) 

Fuck havings flings 

hooking up 

fuck all that 

i don’t want a relationship 

i just want someone there who loves me. 

lol im so gay 

okay back to my normal self now 

back to acting like none of this ever bothers me 

*just because i don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me*

meh. 

i don’t want your false love 

I stayed up last night, listening to you.

listening to you because you were upset 

because i love you 

and i can’t see you like this 

i did everything, i tried my best to give you constructive advice

i was so grateful that you even turned to me because i’m never first on your list for anything 

regardless i still tried my best because i knew you needed someone and i thought it helped.

i thought i helped 

and i know you see me as this stupid little girl who is immature that can’t really give proper advice about life or anything. i know you have a particular mind set about me and its okay. i’m okay with that because even though i’ve tried changing that, it didn’t change so i let it go. i let you believe i’m like that because i love you. 

my words didn’t help, my company wasn’t enough 

i understand that. i understand that i’ll never be enough because i’m not even in that special box of yours. 

but i did think you were grateful. i did think that no matter how you perceived me, you’ll always be grateful. 

lol. i’m stupid. i should have known otherwise. 

but anyway. it cuts me deep when this ungrateful attitude is public 

it hurts so much 

you dont understand 

and you never will

i’m still trying to accept that this friendship is never gonna be mutual 

but it happens 

these things happen 

it hurts but oh well 

i’ll always love you anyway 

ill always be here for you 

even though you’ll never seek me. 

i’ll get used to it….